He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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