i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
