Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
