I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
