I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
