I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
