Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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