Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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