She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
