Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
