i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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