You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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