He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
