why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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