All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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