I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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