Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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