I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
