Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
