I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
