he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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