The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
