We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
