the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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