omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
