We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
