Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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