I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
