Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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