i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
