My brain says no but my pants say off.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
