You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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