fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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