At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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