Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.