4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
