my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".