im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
