Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
