He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
