Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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