In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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