STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
