I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
