she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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