I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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