Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
