How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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