I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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