you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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