My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
