I'm gonna have a badass scar
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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