Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
