I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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