Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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