I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize