I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
