It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
