this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
