dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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