would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
