life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
