I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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