So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
