Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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