It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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