we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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