I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
