New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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