hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
