i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
