as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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