What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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