you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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