Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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