hotel room ftw
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
