If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
