I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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