The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
