what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
