I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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