when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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