We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Still dying that you shit outside
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
