I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My ATM looks so different sober.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
