it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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