i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's shark week go big or go home
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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