Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
