Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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