whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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