Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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