I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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