Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
